Done With Voices In My Head

This past weekend, I fell off the wagon a bit...

 

I worked night shifts all weekend and ate TERRIBLY! We ordered out, I had snacks, cookies, and no healthy food in sight. 

 

Then I went out to breakfast with my parents for Mother's Day. We went to a cute diner but of course that means I had the greasy bacon, and chocolate chip pancakes.

 

Going to sleep after all of that, I felt sick, fat, like I just gained 50 pounds over the course of 5 hours. 

 

Waking up, and going to the gym felt no different. I felt bloated, chunky, and I lost my confidence. I had no energy, even after drinking my coffee. Discouraged at it's finest. 

 

While in the middle of my workout, a song came on with these lyrics:

"Maybe I'm not pretty
Maybe I'm just fun
'Cause I got a belly
And I've got a bum
And I'm always jelly
Of all the other ones
With their itty bitty bellies
And their rum bum bum bums
But it's getting kinda hard
When you're constantly feeling like garbage
Know I shouldn't hurt myself
But I can't find way to lose weight
Without literally starvin'
I know that I should love myself
Every other song says I'm beautiful
But what if I don't feel like I'm beautiful
I wish my body image didn't say
That I should be another kinda way"

This song is very catchy-very upbeat, great gym jam. Normally, when I workout, I don't even hear the words to songs, but today, I heard them loud and clear. Hearing these lyrics, I was depressed, sulking in my own thoughts, and feeling pretty low.

I decided that I was done feeling this way. Did I overeat? Sure did. Did I feel bad about it? I also did. Do I know what I need to do to change it? Yup! So let's do it!

My workout instantly became better. I started really getting into my workout. I was motivated because of feeling so crappy.

Not too long afterwards, I heard 2 different songs that were just so perfect for my new found motivation:

"All the voices in my head
Always try to break me
Fuck me up and change me
But talking is cheap
This is the last time
I listen to the voices in my head
I know they never stop talking
Always sabotaging
But talking is cheap
This is the last time
I listen to the voices in my head"

and

"I'm fighting voices in my head
Voices in my head telling me that I'm not enough
I'm not pretty, and I'm broken, I'm not worthy of love
Voices in my head telling me that I should give up
I'm fighting voices in my head
I wonder who I'd be if I didn't have insecurities
Tell my head to listen to my heart, and my heart says
I'm done with voices in my head
Voices in my head, I know that I am enough
I am pretty, I'm not broken, I am worthy of love
Voices in my head I know that it's time to give up
With all these voices in my head
I am strong
I am beautiful"

These songs really resonated with me. This is exactly how I felt. 

 

So I had messed up. Who cares. It was 1 weekend. Not a month, or a year. Just 1 weekend. I needed to stop listening to the voices in my head. I needed to change what the voices were saying to me. 

 

I got this. I know how to eat correctly. Let's get back to that. Let's get back to having confidence and not feeling horrible anymore!

 

I can do this! I got this!